Leap Day 2008

The calendar should really be ashamed of this day. It's the ugly side-effect of the Earth's trip around the sun not dividing perfectly into 365. But instead, it's a celebration. Curiously, it's now dedicated as the only day where women can ask men to marry them. Much has been made of this on TV, however, I waited all day. I think my phone was having reception difficulties.

Just 4 years until the next one...

Floral Design Day 2008

My original intentions to wear something flowery today were scuppered by my lack of flower-wear (flowear?). If I had've found some flowery socks I would be wearing them now. I was teaching on a "helpdesk" this morning. This equates to sitting at my desk, messing around because nobody turns up. So I designed the flower arrangement above, although Blogger appears to dislike my choice of colour and has changed it for me (blue sunflowers?). The saddest thing of all this is that a group of students did arrive, just as I was putting together the finishing touches. I wonder what they think of me...

International Polar Bear Day

A few facts about Polar Bears:

Polar bears are not white! Their skin is black and their fur is translucent. They appear white due to light being refracted through the clear strands.
The polar bear has an odd liking for toothpaste – they have been known to raid Arctic tourist camps, knocking over tents and trampling equipment just to suck a tube of Colgate dry.
On the remote chance of someone offering you a slice of polar bear’s liver, do not accept! A pound of polar bear liver contains enough vitamin A to kill you – a smaller dose will lead to headaches, blurred vision, loss of hair, drowsiness, diarrhoea and enlargement of the spleen and liver.

Pistachio Day 2008

I have a large pack of nuts sitting beside me on my desk (next to the raisins with whom I have fallen out). I have been munching my way through their creamy nutty deliciousness all day. It was an unusual snack to bring to coffee, but nobody commented. ultimately, they were satisfying and popular. Reports of chilli-pistachios have circulated, but none of the spicy ones made their way over to me.

The day did trigger a discussion of availability of Pistachio ice cream. Despite it's near universal popularity, it is very difficult (impossible as some have hypothesised) to buy the stuff. Fortunately I found a website with a recipe for making it yourself, but a brief browse of the pictures suggests that it is sh*te.

Pistachio Fact: iran is the world's largest exporter of Pistachios.

A Regretable Admission

To whom it may concern,

I, Mark Smith have failed. As predicted, it was the bacon sandwich that got me in the end. While I do not wish to deny my failings nor absolve them with a string of excuses, I feel the need to explain my carnivorous antics and place the crime in context. Though it probably won't save me from a damn good smiting from Him.

I blame my parents. My mum informed me that I was getting "dangerously thin in the face" and that I should stop this "stupid game". The trip home was a mistake. I had already 'come out' as a temporary vegetarian (much to their amusement). When I arrived home, they were eating steak. I had a cheese pizza.

After a few beers, the pork pies in the fridge nearly tempted me, but like Jesus in the desert, I left the pies alone and had another beer. In the morning they had a full English breakfast, but I was welcome to have the tomatoes and mushrooms. I could swear they had planned this. It wasn't just a fry-up; it was a set-up.

"These are award winning sausages you know" - that's what finally got me. (They actually weren't very nice).

I thought the guilt would make everything taste bitter, like the bitter curd of failure. But no. The deliciousness of meat was worth it. The steak I had later was even nicer.

To those of you maintaining your lent sacrifices I give you my best wishes and my most sincere apologies. But I hear there's not many of you left: chocolate birthday cake, the irresistable ballads of Take That, the dual revelations that Creme Eggs contain chocolate and pizzas count as takeways and disgraceful 'Beardism' in the workplace have scuppered many a gallant attempt at self-sacrifice.

Good luck,

Time for the pies,

Mark

Sticky Bun Day 2008

I very nearly forgot about this. I was in Newcastle at Northumbria University and walked through the town centre. My hunger automatically lead me to Gregs (I followed all the high-visibiliyt jackets in there) and I was gunning for a steak bake. Gutted when I ralised at the last minute that I couldn't eat meat, and I'm told that there's meat in steak. I left in a huff BUT - I forgot a sticky bun.

I had to make a special supermarket trip at 4pm. It appeared at first that they were all out of the sticky buns, but there, nestled in the corner, was a pair of Belgian Buns. Jonny appreciated his as we munched them in the office. But now my keyboard is sticky.

Chocolate Mint Day 2008

Everybody lapped up my chocolate mints at coffee. And the giant mint Aero in the afternoon was also well-received. I was however, feeling queezy. In an attempt to make up for any vegetarian-based protein deficiency, I bought some raisins for my desk at work. I muched away and it turned out I had eaten about 400 grams-worth. I don't want to get into the details really, but let's just say that the toilets at the sports centre will never be the same again.

Random Acts of Kindness Day 2008

A tricky one.
The 'random' element implies that it cannot be planned, yet my masterplan to feed the ducks on the river was hatched the day before. Either way, the ducks loved the bread (I think bread is their favourite) and one even jumped up to catch it. Those ducks have a lot to thank me for (one of them has lived to quack another day thanks to the Mock Duck I bought last week).

A more 'random' act of kindness was the gift of a pair of socks. Completely out of the blue. However, I should point out that I was the recipiant - news of the 'special day' had spread. They fit perfectly by the way.

Gum Drop Day

Gumdrop Day

A gumdrop is usually brightly coloured, made from gelatin, shaped like a cone and coated in granulated sugar. They can be found on the Gingerbreadman in Shrek or lurking in bags of dolly mixture. Other than this, they are only sold in traditional sweet shops or in America. And this creates problems when trying to find some in Ushaw Moor. Unfortunately, many school children were also celebrating Gumdrop day so the co-op was sold out of Dolly Mixture. This left me no option but to buy the next best thing - jelly tots and fruit pastilles. Apart from the shape (and name), I see no reason why these do no fall into the gum drop category.

Finally.....did you know.....the Apollo 9 Command module was called Gumdrop, on account of the blue cellophane wrapping in which the craft was delivery - fascinating stuff!

Valentines Day

My plan to send a Valentine's Day card to a celebrity was somewhat hijacked when the decision of who the lucky supermodel would be was taken by my housemates. It was decided that she would be Bob Johnson, the old man who reads the weather. I went along with the idea, until it came to buying the card. I actually couldn't go through with it. I stood in Clintons next to people buying Valentines cards for real. I was a fraud. For some reason I can't explain, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I had naively gone in there looking for a "weather-based" valentines card; this raised the comment of "you don't go card shopping much do you?"

I must say, I don't really agree with the direction 'Project 2008' is taking me here. It's turning me into a gay, skirt-wearing, man-hugging, serial kissing vegetarian. With that in mind, I sent this e-card around some friends:

And I also found this for those people who have given up chocolate for lent (it was in the Valentine's section):

Lent Turns Nasty

There was a disgraceful interchange of emails today. One week in, and lent is getting hard. Two of the chocolate monsters had an "accidental" relapse involving a Cadbury's Cream Egg (does that have chocolate in it?) and half a Smartie (disguised as a Gingerbread man's button).


After an email was sent around offering free mini-eggs from Woolworths, I perhaps rubbed it in a little too much with those off the brown stuff for lent...

"Mwwwwuuuuhhhhhh –ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
That’s FREE chocolate girls. Mmmmm. Nice chocolate too.
Maybe you could save it until… no wait it runs out this week."

In their fragile emotional state, this prompted an email-based battle of pictures:

Mmmm... T-bone.

My retalliation...

This was countered with an attack where it really hurts.

Accompanied with the comment "We can play this all day if you want".

Rather embarrassingly I had drooled all over my desk.

White T-Shirt Day 2008

I do not own a plain white t-shirt.
Correction:
I did not own a plain white t-shirt.
I even made a trip into town for it. I also went to find a sandwich that was both vegetarian and contained no mayo. I ended up with a snickers bar. I hate Lent.

Kissing Friday

Kissing Friday was a day of funny looks, dry lips and headlocks. It did however, spread a little joy around my house and office. I have lost several friends today.

Chinese New Year 2008

We didn't go crazy for Chinese New Year. The only dragon was the Blue Dragon Sticky Plum suace. Waitrose were doing an offer on all things Chinese. I uncritically took up their Tiger Beer option before even questioning it's Chinese credentials.

I had a problem though: already 2 days into Lent, Chinese meals don't do vegetarianism. But don't dispair: I discovered Mock Duck. That's right "Duck" in a tin can. It even had fake skin. I never really found out what it actually was in the end. Just what it wasn't: duck.

I stir-fried it with enough other ingredients to take away the taste. Oh the taste. Kate described it as "dead leaves" (before spitting it in the sink). Jonny swallowed one piece, but then felt bad. My vegetables went down a lot faster than the Mock Duck,

I can tell you.

I would say it tasted fowl, but that was definitely not what it was.

Still, the prawn crackers were nice. I just wish my housemates would stop making bacon sandwiches.

Lent Begins

So Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent.
So we each have to give something up. I chose meat (a scary, scary prospect). From asking around I've got quite a range of:
Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate & biscuits, Shaving, Nail-biting, Ready-meals, Alcohol...

40 days (excluding sundays) - I have been dreading this since I (drunkenly) took the vegetarian option. Last week has been a Tour-de-Meat where I sampled the range of my favourite meals. I was hoping that the mixed grill, resplendent with black pudding, liver and kidney may have turned me off meat... but it were blummin' lovely.

But these Sundried Tibetan Goji Berries are quite nice...

Pancake Day 2008!!

Oh I've been looking forward to this.

My tossing skills were on fire as I rattled off pancake after pancake. Nowhere near as many as Emma Watcham who managed a whopping 60. That's obscene.

As far as fillings go, I kind of rewrote the rule book. With Lent promply following (and for reasons that will become clear), I tried lamb pancakes. I prefer them with lemon.

And now here's a picture of some rabbit-like creature with a pancake on it's head, just because it's odd.

Yorkshire Pudding Day & Potato Day!!

This is possibly the more perfectly suited pairing imaginable and left us with only one option: a trip to a carvery for a roast dinner. We found the perfect place, only 2 hours drive away (though the sat nav was on the German setting).

It claimed "as many Yorkshire Puds as you like" however, word of the special alignment of the two roast-dinner based calendar observations had clearly got out. I have never seen so many roast dinners in my life. The queue was so big that only a fool would go back for more. Fortunately though, the old YP's were of a scale to match. Just look, I mean LOOK at that BEAST!!! And have you seen his Yorkshire pudding??

Groundhog Day

Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/08 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Here Ye!
On Gobbler's Knob on this fabulous Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008 Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators,Rose to the call of President Bill Cooper and greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.
After casting a weather eye toward thousands of his faithful followers,Phil consulted with President Cooper and directed him to the appropriate scroll, which proclaimed:

"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me.Six more weeks of winter it will be!"

What a load of sh*t.

I think the "President" Cooper just read that it was a La Nina year and is making the lot up. Lovin' the hats though.

Wear Red Day

Not much to report here really. I sported a fetching red t-shirt throughout the day.

I think that I looked rather smart.

I also commented on somebody's red jumper: "Lovin' the red jumper". turns out they were oblivious to red day and probably thouhgt I was being sarcastic. There were some pitiful excuses for red day. A small patch on a sock hardly cuts the mustard. However, I was pleased that somebody felt it necessary to show me their knickers and bra, but was slightly disappointed to see that they were more pink than red.