Three Days in One

I had grand plans for today, which is Compliments Day, Opposite Day and Beer Can Appreciation Day. I imagined standing on a street corner with a beer in my hand hurling abuse at passers by. But actually, it's done nothing but confuse me - I can't trust anybody anymore (they may be telling me the opposite of the truth) and I really haven't mastered the art of the 'fore-handed compliment'.

While I was amused by the Elephant in the Pharmacy (it was hiding in the hygiene aisle by the way), I squarely blame Opposite Day for my confusion - it's sucked my mind. I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that the opposite of a dog is NOT a cat (I think it's an 'anti-dog'; it probably exists on some inconceivable plane).

Complimenting people was the highlight of the day (but those cans of beer waiting in the fridge may yet trump that). I received several reports from people enjoying being nice (for a change). Although to be fair, it was thanks to Opposite Day that everybody went around trumpeting how easy their work was and that they were feeling particularly 'bogged-up' with how much they had to do.

So before I leave, may I tell you just how lovely you're looking today - I'm not off home to crack shut some cans of anti-beer...