12th September 2008: Chocolate Milkshake Day

The revival of Project 2008 began today with some chocolatey milk alongside morning coffee! Despite a few comments that "strawberry is better" most people seemed to enjoy the calcium rich beverage - apart from Brian who opted to mix it with his coffee!

A weekend of chips and eclairs!

Sat the 21st June: Vinegar Day

I enjoyed some salt and vinegar flavoured crisps on "Vinegar Day" which were served to me by a naked butler (OK so he was wearing a skimpy apron). But still, it was an interesting experience and one I thoroughly recommend! I followed this up with some chips drowned in vinegar from a dodgy north London chip shop in the early hours of the following day!

Sun the 22nd: Eclair Day!


I found myself at the forefront of the 22nd June London train nightmare (in summary - power line on main line north from London went down at 1pm. At 4pm first trains started to leave London via an alternative route. At 4:10 and some 3 miles from the centre, power lines on alternative route failed. 4:30pm trains arrived back at Kings cross. 6pm two diesel trains arrived at kings cross. 6:30pm all 500,000 travellers attempt to get onto trains. 11pm after cramped conditions and stopping at ever station between London and Durham - I arrived home). Hence, the Chocolate Eclairs (the sweeties not the cakes) that I had bought earlier formed part of my dinner during this traumatic time. And enjoyable they are, unlike gummy sweets (e.g. haribo star mix) the chocolate eclair is difficult to eat. The result is prolonged enjoyment and a sore jaw!

18th June 2008: World Sauntering Day

Saunter - a verb, meaning to walk in a slow, relaxed manner or a noun, to describe a leisurely stroll (Oxford English Dictionary).

This day was created in the 1970's by W. T. Rabe at Mackinac Island, Michigan while he was the Public Relations Director for a hotel on the island. Rabe was well known for his publicity stunts. It is a day when jogging, running, sashaying, fast walking, trotting and so forth are highly discouraged.

After watching Mark saunter around the department is a most relaxed fashion, I am now off to saunter into town to absorb the atmosphere of Durham! I have no idea where I am going, or how long I will be!

Although I have to confess that I did start the day badly, having jogged around Bearpark at 7am for 20 mins. And I will end the day badly by completing a speed session at the athletics track - I feel guilty but in a week of celebratory days, sometimes you have to make compromises!

International Picnic Day

The Durham weather didn't quite play into our hands as much as we could have hoped for to celebrate this glorious day, however this did not stop us enjoying the grass outside the Early Learning Centre lecture building. People brought a variety of items to lunch on which reflected the multi-national diversity of the assembled throng; there were folk from as far afield as Switzerland and Italy!

After enjoying our lunch we all got stuck into an improvised game of "volleyball" with a giant tennis ball. All was going well until Emma Waterhouse decided some rules needed to be made so people were "out" if they failed to keep the ball airborne. This unncecessary addition to the game came back to bite her however as she was the first player to be sent packing from the game arena.

Thanks to all those who braved the chilly breeze for an enjoyable lunch break.

17th June: Eat your veggies day

This required a trip to Tescos! I managed to get my 5 portions of veg - covering the full spectrum of colours and made a salad to accompany my cheese baguette! I thought it would be inappropriate to plough into some meat on eat your vegetables day !

I ate: Green salad leaves, yellow mini corn on the cob, red tomato (yes technically a fruit but up for debate), white garlic, gold vegetable oil disguised as olive oil and brown potatoes in the form of the hula hoops (which are disappointingly now cooked in sunflower oil and not veggie oil)! I also conclude that blue vegetables are hard to find! This delicious vegetable feast was followed with a fruit medley for pudding - a perfect ending!

Veg & Fudge

Well I nearly got this right. I bought the fudge cake on Fudge Day, but I ate it on Eat Your Vegetables Day. I even tried saving some for International Picnic Day but Kate had other plans for it (also, rumour has it that she went around the block three times when the Bike to Work campaign were dishing out cake). Both other Mark & myself had a vegetable curry which contained a splendid variety of vegetables. It was delicious. Kate seemed to have a jacket potato with beans on, but actually I think it was just more cake hidden in the skin of the jacket.

I have a feling that I might not hear the last of this message.

Mark

16th June 2008: Fudge Day

Fudge is made by mixing sugar, chocolate and milk and heating it to the soft-ball stage at 240 deg F, and then beating the mixture while it cools so that it aquires a smooth, creamy consistency!



There was a distinct lack of homemade fudge in the Usahw Moor co-op at 8am this morning. I was faced with a bag of cheap horrible looking co-op fudge that failed to tempt me. So I opted for the individually-wrapped, cadburys, chocolate coated 15p fudge fingers instead - always a winner, especially at morning coffee time!!

Limerick Day 2008

A selection of today's emails:

There was a man from Accrington Stanley,
To which all the girls took a fancy,
His appearance was striking,
While cross-country cycling,
The perfect embodiment of manly.

------------------------------------------

Though Dave Milledge amended it

There was a lad from ‘crington Stanley
Whose hero was the Gordon Manley,
His research in the sun
He considered quite fun
And his Spanish progressed just grandley

------------------------------------------

And because that was so rubbish:

There was a work-obsessed student called Milledge,
The only gay in the village,
He loved all geography
Except for his Ph.D.
He’s still working on the ti-tle page

-------------------------------------------

Gareth voiced his disapproval at our rhymes

There were two boys quite lyrical
And they liked their geography physical
They exchanged the odd ditty
But the poems were sh!tty
And their twisting of words was abysmical

------------------------------------------

And then there was James Bridges:

There was a man from Accrington Stanley,
Who did not understand plagiarism, quite sadly,
But whilst this all seems rather forlorn,
his cycling meant his thigh muscle was torn;
it was all to no avail as climate change was taking place,
and there were floods on the track of the cycle race.

followed by

Ah, we need to get this back to five sentences quick,
Otherwise the format is not quite as slick,
So whilst this innovation may be progressive,
It can also be detrimental to the rhythm suggested,
Moreover, it might also get on ones wick.

-----------------------------------------------

We need to speak to James about Limericks. And maybe Tasha could do with some help

There were a collection of rhymes so shocking
That they really required some mocking
However, to avoid doing some work
As after cycling my muscles so hurt
I came up with a line that also needed a little scoffing

Apologies

I haven't written anything for a month. I just wrote a long and very clever apology and sodding blogger buggered up and deleted it.

To summarise, I have been at least partially observing the days, despite not writing about it. Today, I am not wearing any socks.

Mark

No Housework Day 2008

A tough one: but I managed to follow it to the letter. There was a small disagreement in my house as to whether washing-up counted as housework (it does).

Tell a Lie Day 2008

I've convinced one of the Lab Technicians at work that a friend of mine is an ex semi-professional indoor unicyclist. I wasn't even disguising the fact that it was clearly a complete lie. It's amazing what people believe. Should be interesting when we all cycle the coast 2 coast next month. Brian mate: looks like you'd better get practicing.

Fat Wednesday

The radio has just informed me that today is Fat Wednesday. Something to do with everyone having given up new years diets and not yet starting summer hols diets. So...it appears it is a day to eat lots and lots and not care!

Flying Penguins Day 2008

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/epeng001.shtml

Amazing

A brief history of the pencil, by Chris Buckley

Interestingly it is not only the good people of "Project 2008" who noticed the day of celebration of the humble pencil. As I sat down to peruse the Sunday papers yesterday I noticed a column by the literary tour de force that is Sandy Toksvig, in which she discussed the history, cultural impact and dark side of the graphite and lead based writing instrument. Anyway, I digress:

Hymen L. Lipman is credited with registering the first patent for a pencil with an attached eraser on March 30th, 1858. (US Patent 19783)

In 1862 Lipman sold his patent to a Jospeph Reckendorfer for $100,000, who went to sue the pencil manufacturer Faber for infringement ^[1]. In 1875 the Supreme Court of the United States ruled against Reckendorfer declaring the patent invalid because his invention was actually a combination of two already known things with no new use^[2].

1. Petroski, Henry (1990). The Pencil: A History of Design and Circumstance. New York: Alfred A. Knopf. ISBN 0-394-57422-2; ISBN 0-679-73415-5, page 171

2. ^ http://supreme.justia.com/us/92/347/case.html Reckendorfer v. Faber 92 U.S. 347 (1875)

Pencil Day 2008

These Carbon 3-leaf marking essay feedback sheets don't like pencils at all.

Odd Socks Day 2008

I've been a bit rubbish lately. I completely forgot to wear odd socks today. Fortunately, I had packed a spare pair and taken them to work. Unfortunately, they were running socks and smelt a bit. Adds to the office environment.

Not my feet, but in case you wanted to know what odd socks look like:

Today is also Kite Flying Day. I'm afraid, despite the windy weather of late, it simply isn't windy enough for kites today. Top excuse.

STATA Day

Happy STATA Day everybody!

World Meterological Day

What funny weather we're having.
Actually, I thought Weather Day was yesterday. Told everybody about it during the heavy snow interspersed with gorgeous sunshine. Then I was amazed to see The Day After Tomorrow on telly - not many weather-based action thrillers about. But even that was a day out (both ways). I'm confused.

Still, the weather was proper daft today. I celebrated it by staying indoors. Though I did go for a walk over the snow covered hills.

Also: it's EASTER SUNDAY which means LENT ENDS. Congratulations all ZERO people who managed it properly. You all disgust me.

World Water Day

To celebrate World Water Day I loaded up my car with kayaks and headed up Weardale in search of hidden becks and waterfalls in the hope that the recent chossy weather would have filled them up suitably to enjoy some kayaking on them.

This was not the case, there was a distinct emptiness in the various tribs we scouted out and so there was to be no paddling. And then it started to snow. To round the day off in style we had a snickers from a shop in Wolsingham and then came home.

Hamsterly forest car park, wrong kind of water for kayaking

Happy Easter everyone

True Confessions Day

It had been playing on my mind for a while so I took the opportunity to come clean and share my secret. I admitted to James that whilst at home (in our food devoid house) a couple of weeks ago, I gave in to temptation and consumed a small handful of wheetos - those chocolaty little morsels that James eats for breakfast every morning!! It is debatable whether they even contain chocolate but I feel like I have cheated lent and broken my chocolate abstinence. But unlike many others who have fallen by the wayside, I have come back from this breakdown in will-power stronger and still survive without chocolate and crisps in my diet - replaced by cereal bars and bread sticks! Please forgive my confession!

Pi Day

Two events dominated Pi Day. James seems to have challenged his class to memorise Pi to as many decimal places as possible (winner gets a pie). Here, we aimed to draw the perfect circle. Mine were universally appalling. I don't make crop circles, but if I did, they would pobably be the worst crop circles in the world. Emma's attempts were pretty rubbish; but she numbered them and circled her numbers - one of these cirvles was as perfect as any I saw all day.

Sad.

Commonwealth Day

Basically, I drank tea. And lots of it.

National Doodle Day/ Middle Name Pride day

Some very strange doodles appeared on paper today. A giant flamingo climbing a mountain? A lion reflected in a matrix? Some very abstract shapes, and I think Dave was channeling god. I still intend to scan them.

Anyway, just as amusing was Emma's middle name - Pearl. Like it. After today, I now think middle names are great.

Will

Frozen Food Day

This day was perfectly timed for a day when our house contained no fresh food at all! As such, I set about cooking a delicious meal made almost entirely out of frozen food. This included - frozen sausages left over from last summers bbq season, veggie bean burgers (which kind of acted as our carbs), frozen peas, sweetcorn and soya beans which I turned into a delicious salsa with some tinned toms, garlic and a variety of herbs and spices!

And the fun didn't end here. For pudding, James opted for the frozen Maltesar bake (thanks mummy) which we heated to a gooey loveliness with ice cream, whilst I went for the frozen raspberries which I turned into a sumptuous coulis with some maple syrup. I served this over the ice cream!

What a wonderful and fairly healthy/nutritious meal to come from our freezer!

Learn What Your Name Means Day 2008

Mark - Familiar form of Marcus: Roman, probably derived from the name of the Roman god MARS. Mars is possibly related to Latin mas "male" (genitive maris).

Smith is the most common family name in the United Kingdom and the United States representing more than 1 out of every 100 persons in each of these countries. The name originally derives from smitan, the Anglo-Saxon term meaning to smite or strike.

Well that explains "Rhino" at least.

Apparently a dedicated schoolgirl collected the meanings of all the names in the class. Ah. Although the teacher did try to tell one kid that his name means "Homosexual".

Grammar Day 2008

Rubbish day. Even the schoolkids boycotted this one. I thought about correcting the grammar of some graffiti I saw in the toilets - has it really come to this?

Mothering Sunday/Namesake Day

Disaster.

All I can say is: I got cocky. So early was I with Mother's Day this year, that I posted the card on wednesday with a second class stamp. It didn't arrive on time. I'm not in the best books.

This being Namesake Day too, I researched my mum's namesakes. Angela Smith is an MP for Basildon.

I am a man of many namesakes. I must have one of the single most popular names in the UK. There is even a Wikipaedia page devoted to listing famous Mark Smith's. There is of course Mark E. Smith of The Fall, but more randomly, Mark Smith was the real name of Rhino from Gladiators. It's remarkable that we should share the same name, as we are so remarkably similar in appearance too.

Worshie, my research suggests that you don't have a single namesake.

St. David's Day/Beer Day

This day boiled down to beer, leeks, daffodils and (I suppose) sheep. In fact the leeks themselves boiled down into soup. Roll on the stereotypes.

I didn't actually buy any doffodils, but I admired some - until some chavs went and picked them (Mother's Day tomorrow so we'll let them off).

I got involved with the beer though.

Leap Day 2008

The calendar should really be ashamed of this day. It's the ugly side-effect of the Earth's trip around the sun not dividing perfectly into 365. But instead, it's a celebration. Curiously, it's now dedicated as the only day where women can ask men to marry them. Much has been made of this on TV, however, I waited all day. I think my phone was having reception difficulties.

Just 4 years until the next one...

Floral Design Day 2008

My original intentions to wear something flowery today were scuppered by my lack of flower-wear (flowear?). If I had've found some flowery socks I would be wearing them now. I was teaching on a "helpdesk" this morning. This equates to sitting at my desk, messing around because nobody turns up. So I designed the flower arrangement above, although Blogger appears to dislike my choice of colour and has changed it for me (blue sunflowers?). The saddest thing of all this is that a group of students did arrive, just as I was putting together the finishing touches. I wonder what they think of me...

International Polar Bear Day

A few facts about Polar Bears:

Polar bears are not white! Their skin is black and their fur is translucent. They appear white due to light being refracted through the clear strands.
The polar bear has an odd liking for toothpaste – they have been known to raid Arctic tourist camps, knocking over tents and trampling equipment just to suck a tube of Colgate dry.
On the remote chance of someone offering you a slice of polar bear’s liver, do not accept! A pound of polar bear liver contains enough vitamin A to kill you – a smaller dose will lead to headaches, blurred vision, loss of hair, drowsiness, diarrhoea and enlargement of the spleen and liver.

Pistachio Day 2008

I have a large pack of nuts sitting beside me on my desk (next to the raisins with whom I have fallen out). I have been munching my way through their creamy nutty deliciousness all day. It was an unusual snack to bring to coffee, but nobody commented. ultimately, they were satisfying and popular. Reports of chilli-pistachios have circulated, but none of the spicy ones made their way over to me.

The day did trigger a discussion of availability of Pistachio ice cream. Despite it's near universal popularity, it is very difficult (impossible as some have hypothesised) to buy the stuff. Fortunately I found a website with a recipe for making it yourself, but a brief browse of the pictures suggests that it is sh*te.

Pistachio Fact: iran is the world's largest exporter of Pistachios.

A Regretable Admission

To whom it may concern,

I, Mark Smith have failed. As predicted, it was the bacon sandwich that got me in the end. While I do not wish to deny my failings nor absolve them with a string of excuses, I feel the need to explain my carnivorous antics and place the crime in context. Though it probably won't save me from a damn good smiting from Him.

I blame my parents. My mum informed me that I was getting "dangerously thin in the face" and that I should stop this "stupid game". The trip home was a mistake. I had already 'come out' as a temporary vegetarian (much to their amusement). When I arrived home, they were eating steak. I had a cheese pizza.

After a few beers, the pork pies in the fridge nearly tempted me, but like Jesus in the desert, I left the pies alone and had another beer. In the morning they had a full English breakfast, but I was welcome to have the tomatoes and mushrooms. I could swear they had planned this. It wasn't just a fry-up; it was a set-up.

"These are award winning sausages you know" - that's what finally got me. (They actually weren't very nice).

I thought the guilt would make everything taste bitter, like the bitter curd of failure. But no. The deliciousness of meat was worth it. The steak I had later was even nicer.

To those of you maintaining your lent sacrifices I give you my best wishes and my most sincere apologies. But I hear there's not many of you left: chocolate birthday cake, the irresistable ballads of Take That, the dual revelations that Creme Eggs contain chocolate and pizzas count as takeways and disgraceful 'Beardism' in the workplace have scuppered many a gallant attempt at self-sacrifice.

Good luck,

Time for the pies,

Mark

Sticky Bun Day 2008

I very nearly forgot about this. I was in Newcastle at Northumbria University and walked through the town centre. My hunger automatically lead me to Gregs (I followed all the high-visibiliyt jackets in there) and I was gunning for a steak bake. Gutted when I ralised at the last minute that I couldn't eat meat, and I'm told that there's meat in steak. I left in a huff BUT - I forgot a sticky bun.

I had to make a special supermarket trip at 4pm. It appeared at first that they were all out of the sticky buns, but there, nestled in the corner, was a pair of Belgian Buns. Jonny appreciated his as we munched them in the office. But now my keyboard is sticky.

Chocolate Mint Day 2008

Everybody lapped up my chocolate mints at coffee. And the giant mint Aero in the afternoon was also well-received. I was however, feeling queezy. In an attempt to make up for any vegetarian-based protein deficiency, I bought some raisins for my desk at work. I muched away and it turned out I had eaten about 400 grams-worth. I don't want to get into the details really, but let's just say that the toilets at the sports centre will never be the same again.

Random Acts of Kindness Day 2008

A tricky one.
The 'random' element implies that it cannot be planned, yet my masterplan to feed the ducks on the river was hatched the day before. Either way, the ducks loved the bread (I think bread is their favourite) and one even jumped up to catch it. Those ducks have a lot to thank me for (one of them has lived to quack another day thanks to the Mock Duck I bought last week).

A more 'random' act of kindness was the gift of a pair of socks. Completely out of the blue. However, I should point out that I was the recipiant - news of the 'special day' had spread. They fit perfectly by the way.

Gum Drop Day

Gumdrop Day

A gumdrop is usually brightly coloured, made from gelatin, shaped like a cone and coated in granulated sugar. They can be found on the Gingerbreadman in Shrek or lurking in bags of dolly mixture. Other than this, they are only sold in traditional sweet shops or in America. And this creates problems when trying to find some in Ushaw Moor. Unfortunately, many school children were also celebrating Gumdrop day so the co-op was sold out of Dolly Mixture. This left me no option but to buy the next best thing - jelly tots and fruit pastilles. Apart from the shape (and name), I see no reason why these do no fall into the gum drop category.

Finally.....did you know.....the Apollo 9 Command module was called Gumdrop, on account of the blue cellophane wrapping in which the craft was delivery - fascinating stuff!

Valentines Day

My plan to send a Valentine's Day card to a celebrity was somewhat hijacked when the decision of who the lucky supermodel would be was taken by my housemates. It was decided that she would be Bob Johnson, the old man who reads the weather. I went along with the idea, until it came to buying the card. I actually couldn't go through with it. I stood in Clintons next to people buying Valentines cards for real. I was a fraud. For some reason I can't explain, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I had naively gone in there looking for a "weather-based" valentines card; this raised the comment of "you don't go card shopping much do you?"

I must say, I don't really agree with the direction 'Project 2008' is taking me here. It's turning me into a gay, skirt-wearing, man-hugging, serial kissing vegetarian. With that in mind, I sent this e-card around some friends:

And I also found this for those people who have given up chocolate for lent (it was in the Valentine's section):

Lent Turns Nasty

There was a disgraceful interchange of emails today. One week in, and lent is getting hard. Two of the chocolate monsters had an "accidental" relapse involving a Cadbury's Cream Egg (does that have chocolate in it?) and half a Smartie (disguised as a Gingerbread man's button).


After an email was sent around offering free mini-eggs from Woolworths, I perhaps rubbed it in a little too much with those off the brown stuff for lent...

"Mwwwwuuuuhhhhhh –ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
That’s FREE chocolate girls. Mmmmm. Nice chocolate too.
Maybe you could save it until… no wait it runs out this week."

In their fragile emotional state, this prompted an email-based battle of pictures:

Mmmm... T-bone.

My retalliation...

This was countered with an attack where it really hurts.

Accompanied with the comment "We can play this all day if you want".

Rather embarrassingly I had drooled all over my desk.

White T-Shirt Day 2008

I do not own a plain white t-shirt.
Correction:
I did not own a plain white t-shirt.
I even made a trip into town for it. I also went to find a sandwich that was both vegetarian and contained no mayo. I ended up with a snickers bar. I hate Lent.

Kissing Friday

Kissing Friday was a day of funny looks, dry lips and headlocks. It did however, spread a little joy around my house and office. I have lost several friends today.

Chinese New Year 2008

We didn't go crazy for Chinese New Year. The only dragon was the Blue Dragon Sticky Plum suace. Waitrose were doing an offer on all things Chinese. I uncritically took up their Tiger Beer option before even questioning it's Chinese credentials.

I had a problem though: already 2 days into Lent, Chinese meals don't do vegetarianism. But don't dispair: I discovered Mock Duck. That's right "Duck" in a tin can. It even had fake skin. I never really found out what it actually was in the end. Just what it wasn't: duck.

I stir-fried it with enough other ingredients to take away the taste. Oh the taste. Kate described it as "dead leaves" (before spitting it in the sink). Jonny swallowed one piece, but then felt bad. My vegetables went down a lot faster than the Mock Duck,

I can tell you.

I would say it tasted fowl, but that was definitely not what it was.

Still, the prawn crackers were nice. I just wish my housemates would stop making bacon sandwiches.

Lent Begins

So Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent.
So we each have to give something up. I chose meat (a scary, scary prospect). From asking around I've got quite a range of:
Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate & biscuits, Shaving, Nail-biting, Ready-meals, Alcohol...

40 days (excluding sundays) - I have been dreading this since I (drunkenly) took the vegetarian option. Last week has been a Tour-de-Meat where I sampled the range of my favourite meals. I was hoping that the mixed grill, resplendent with black pudding, liver and kidney may have turned me off meat... but it were blummin' lovely.

But these Sundried Tibetan Goji Berries are quite nice...

Pancake Day 2008!!

Oh I've been looking forward to this.

My tossing skills were on fire as I rattled off pancake after pancake. Nowhere near as many as Emma Watcham who managed a whopping 60. That's obscene.

As far as fillings go, I kind of rewrote the rule book. With Lent promply following (and for reasons that will become clear), I tried lamb pancakes. I prefer them with lemon.

And now here's a picture of some rabbit-like creature with a pancake on it's head, just because it's odd.

Yorkshire Pudding Day & Potato Day!!

This is possibly the more perfectly suited pairing imaginable and left us with only one option: a trip to a carvery for a roast dinner. We found the perfect place, only 2 hours drive away (though the sat nav was on the German setting).

It claimed "as many Yorkshire Puds as you like" however, word of the special alignment of the two roast-dinner based calendar observations had clearly got out. I have never seen so many roast dinners in my life. The queue was so big that only a fool would go back for more. Fortunately though, the old YP's were of a scale to match. Just look, I mean LOOK at that BEAST!!! And have you seen his Yorkshire pudding??

Groundhog Day

Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/08 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob:

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Here Ye!
On Gobbler's Knob on this fabulous Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008 Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators,Rose to the call of President Bill Cooper and greeted his handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.
After casting a weather eye toward thousands of his faithful followers,Phil consulted with President Cooper and directed him to the appropriate scroll, which proclaimed:

"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me.Six more weeks of winter it will be!"

What a load of sh*t.

I think the "President" Cooper just read that it was a La Nina year and is making the lot up. Lovin' the hats though.

Wear Red Day

Not much to report here really. I sported a fetching red t-shirt throughout the day.

I think that I looked rather smart.

I also commented on somebody's red jumper: "Lovin' the red jumper". turns out they were oblivious to red day and probably thouhgt I was being sarcastic. There were some pitiful excuses for red day. A small patch on a sock hardly cuts the mustard. However, I was pleased that somebody felt it necessary to show me their knickers and bra, but was slightly disappointed to see that they were more pink than red.

Jour des Croissants

An entire day devoted to everybody's favorite rolled, leavened variant of puff pastry - the elegant, the dainty, the saturated fat filed, Croissant. Has ever a snack had a sillier name?

It was pretty much a continental version of pie day here. Emma kindly remembered croissants and jam and distributed them generously. I could get used to this. Dave rather controversially produced a bagel, though, to give him his credit, he did eat both bagel and croissant.

James has apparently stopped off at Tescos to buy his entire form class croissants - that's 30. Fortunately, there's a sale on.

Amazing: Blackburn with Darwen Primary Care Trust celebrate Croissant Day in the usual fashion.

Fun at Work Day 2008

Yep - we opted for Adobe Illustrator tennis. Ah - the fun. If you count swearing at your computer, and repeating the same process again and again all day fun, then I had a blast. I had so much fun at work, I stayed there for 12 hours. What a stupid day.

As Dave rightly points out here, it was also Bubble wrap Appreciation Day (oh these days are hard to keep track of). Fortunately, I was given the gift of a cup today. More importantly, it was wrapped in Bubble Wrap. In fact, the inevitable popping was the most fun I had all day. Hurrah.

Burns' Night

I blame the whiskey.

I'll be willing to bet that lots of New Years' Resolutions have fallen by the wayside by now. But I'd also guess that few people found themselves stood in the booze aisle of a supermarket, forced by their New Years' Resolution to buy a bottle of whiskey. Sadly, they were all out of small bottles...

James & Emma were kind enough to play host to our Burns' night celebrations. These took place strictly abiding to the format proposed by the font of all knowledge: Wikipeidia. I emailed precise instructions of the necessary speeches to all involved. Unfortunately, the night was nearly sabotaged by some faulty break pads and an impounded car in Kwick-Fit, but at least 4/5 of us made it.


As host, James gave the welcoming speech, followed by the Selkirk Grace. Then it was time for the Pork-a-Leakie-Cockie, sorry, Cock-a-Leekie soup (the Waitrose Whiskey was already having it's effect - made from a blend of some of Scotland's finest whiskeys).

(NOTE: James' plaster cast of his foot created during a school experiment designed specifically for 'Measure Your Feet Day').

Emma made sure that the Entrance of the Haggis was a grand affair. To the tune of bagpipes, the Haggis arrived on a silver platter, and was carved with expertise befitting of a lady of such a prestigious Scottish heritage.

By far the most terrifying moment of the night was when my napkin fell off my knee and I thought, for a horrible minute, that my kilt had fallen down.

The neeps and tatties were duly served. James' loyal toast mentioned such great Scots as Alex Salomon SMP, Alley McCoist, Mel Gibson, the deep fried Mars bar, and Michelle Mc M-Anus. Emma W. delivered the speech of the immortal memory, we all ate cheese and buscuits (from the Mull of Kintyre) and drank Irn Bru. Emma receited her favourite Burns Poem (...a wee sleekit cow'rin' tim'rous beestie) and I was responsible for the Toast to the Lassies. (My original) attempt:

It's true we know that Burnsey has a passion for the lassies,

A carnal lust for bottom and bust that life ne'er surpasses,

An' after all a hard days toil, ramblin' on the grass n heather,

For all he ached was jus' his lassie, in the altogether,

An' so you see the lassies here, all of whom called Emma,

Their grace and beauty shining bright, does leave us with dilemma,

To keep them close, to admire and tosast, and satisfy our wishes,

But alas not so, they'll have to go, and finish off the dishes,

But before they go, men, stand and then, please slowly raise our glasses,

And help our host, to make a toast, to these beautiful bonnie lassies.

Things began to blur around Emma's reply and endless Scottish music. An Impromtu Old Lang Syne signalled the end of the night. I must admit, on the short walk back to the car, it was a very windy night to try out a kilt for the first time.

Three Days in One

I had grand plans for today, which is Compliments Day, Opposite Day and Beer Can Appreciation Day. I imagined standing on a street corner with a beer in my hand hurling abuse at passers by. But actually, it's done nothing but confuse me - I can't trust anybody anymore (they may be telling me the opposite of the truth) and I really haven't mastered the art of the 'fore-handed compliment'.

While I was amused by the Elephant in the Pharmacy (it was hiding in the hygiene aisle by the way), I squarely blame Opposite Day for my confusion - it's sucked my mind. I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that the opposite of a dog is NOT a cat (I think it's an 'anti-dog'; it probably exists on some inconceivable plane).

Complimenting people was the highlight of the day (but those cans of beer waiting in the fridge may yet trump that). I received several reports from people enjoying being nice (for a change). Although to be fair, it was thanks to Opposite Day that everybody went around trumpeting how easy their work was and that they were feeling particularly 'bogged-up' with how much they had to do.

So before I leave, may I tell you just how lovely you're looking today - I'm not off home to crack shut some cans of anti-beer...

Opposite Day

While trying to write a rather dull essay I decided to investigate today's "days". When googleing Opposite Day I discovered an American Art Rock band "Opposite Day". Describing themselves as art rock for animals I have spent my morning listening to songs such as Elephant in the Pharmacy, Brilliant Animals and Middle of the Street.

http://www.oppositeday.com/


Just look under the bio section for the 'classic' songs!
A novel way to celebrate opposite day! Now on to compliment and beer can appreciation days!

Measure Your Feet Day

It's almost too bizarre to be real, but it is. I read on the internet that "the best time to measure your feet is the end of the day" because they swell. Nice.

We took 5 measurements: shoe size (UK), foot length, longest toe length, width (at widest part) and height (measured at the junction with the leg).

Length was most correlated with shoe size (r=0.949, n=7) followed by toe length (r=0.787) and foot height (r=0.410). My second toe is longer than my big toe - while freakish, I'm told it means that I'm good in bed. An interesting negative correlation exists between toe length and foot width (r=-0.429) - can anyone explain this?? Time for a grant proposal...

The graph below shows the relationship between shoe size and foot length. The regression line shows several interesting points;

• An increase of 1 shoe size affords you an extra centimetre in length (or 0.944 cm to be precise),
• One might hypothesise that since the two females plot below the regression line, that ladies' sizes are slightly smaller than mens'. This may be a ploy by cobblers to help them to feel better about their humongous, gargantuan feet,
• Ian's shoes are too big for him. He needs to drop down a size. Failing that (and bearing in mind the hypothesis presented above), he could just wear girls' shoes.
  

Figure 1. The relationship between shoe size (UK) and foot length (cm) measured from heal to toe with a standard transparent shatterproof ruler. The best-fit regression line y=0.944x-15.94 is displayed along with 95 % confidence intervals.

Anyone for Pies????

Sometimes these observances really aren't too difficult. Welcome to Pie Day. A Pork Pie as a mid-afternoon snack, and a quick trip down to the bakery yielded pies for lunch.

Note "Tasha two-pies" there on the right.

Dave's Pies were greedier than his belly (he insisted on having a 'Pasty-chaser'), also myself and Tasha were victims of an accidental pie-swap. We finished off with an apple pie each (exactly one month out of date - classy).

Hugging Day

Embracing the year seems to involve plenty of actual embracing. My day has been one of multiple hugs.

Statistically, this is the most depressing day of the year. Though I remain unsure as to how 'statistical' that is, they seem to have nailed it - it hasn't stopped raining yet and there's talk of a global recession. I can only think that's why Hugging Day was declared. Details can be found at http://www.geocities.com/hugging_whining/Hugging.html
I'm especially amused by their suggestions of 'How to Celebrate Hugging Day', particularly
"Make or rent a bear costume and visit children or senior adults as a 'Bear Hugger'."
I'm also very disturbed by this guy: http://www.hugnation.com/
There's definitely a limit to how much people should hug.

A brief review of my Hugging Day suggests that it has spread joy. It's also made me look like a complete nutter, with all the restraint of the sort of deviants housewives throw rotten vegetables at. In the kitchen this morning, my housemate Mark looked very confused when I hugged him (it was a very long hug). His response, sadly, was to check that his watch was still there.

I found that 'hugging politics' exists. Having hugged several people, you feel obliged to complete an full 'higging circuit' of the entire room. This reached a head (literally) when my office mate put me in a headlock and attempted some form of yogic/wrestling move that left me feeling dizzy for quite a while. My squash partner also instinctively resisted my post-match hug by placing his hand firmly on my chest and demanding an explanation.

To avoid such akwardness, I created me a sign. It worked a charmer - people love thinking that they are getting something for nothing. The sad news is that the last hug of the day was promptly sick in her hands, rushed to the toilet, had an asthma attack and was last seen being carried out on a stretcher to an ambulence. There endeth Hugging Day.

Penguin Day in Sheffield!

My Penguin made the long trip from Scotland to Sheffield to celebrate Penguin Day. He thoroughly enjoyed being my racing mascot - and he brought me good luck I was won my race! Although I did chicken out of taking my Penguin onto the podium!

Penguin Awareness Day

Very good penguin research Mark, that is the correct answer. I didn't know the bit about aeroplanes. Just been watching Billy Connolly visiting penguins at an aquarium on Dave, I'll be well impressed if they put that on deliberately.

Penguin Awareness Day

Penguins are bloody hardcore for southerners.



We started watching 'Happy Feet' not long ago. We lasted 10 minutes. What a load of complete bol**cks. We switched off at the bit where it was revealed that each penguin has it's own 'heart song'. Also, Kate revealed that she has March of the Penguins on DVD so we watched that instead. The graphics were much better.



A bit of research has answered the black back/white front question. Biologists call this counter-shading; it means that when the birds are swimming they are harder to see from both above and below, allowing them to hunt fish and avoid being eaten by seals. A few years back, there was a report conducted as to why penguins living near runways often fell over backwards whenever a plane flew over, with some people suggesting that they just watched them fly overhead and lost their balance. But actually they are hiding their black bits and comoflaging themselves on the snowfield with their white fronts - they obviously see the airplanes as a threat which is crazy because they live nowhere near Heathrow.



I am now very aware of penguins. Especially when I get picture messages like this from Emma:

penguins

Just to let everyone know that penguins are a group of flightless birds found in the southern hemisphere. They inhabit all latitudes, from the tropical Galapagos islands to the frozen wastes of the Antarctic; the emperor penguin (the largest species at up to 1.1m tall) breeds on the Antarctic pack ice, while the royal penguin and the king penguin breed on sub-Antarctic islands. In contrast, the little penguin, or fairy penguin, which stands at just 40cm, is found around the coasts of Australia and New Zealand.

Penguins are superb swimmers; they have lost the use of their wings for flight and these have instead become flippers, which enable them to move at high speeds underwater in pursuit of their fish prey.

Can anyone tell me why penguins have black backs and white bellies?

Thesaurus Twenty-Four Hour Period

I brought my huge Thesaurus into work today (so big that there's no page numbers: nobody wants to count them).

It's been a rather verbose, circumlocutory, diffuse, garrulous, periphrastic, pleonastic, tautological or (as some might say) wordy day. It's left me quite befogged.

I think this email exchange represents today rather well:

Emma:
Hey Mark,
Hot and spicy evidence attached! I also have the required material to celebrate Penguin day on Sunday – I will bring to coffee!!

Mark:
Thanks, ta, cheers, ingratiations, gratituities…

Emma:
Remorsefully, I intended to utter:
Ciao Mark,
Blistering and fiery verification fastened! In addition I boast the obligatory objects to rejoice Penguin day on Sunday – I shall resolve to transport them to coffee!

Time to bend the elbow for a hop juice, swipes, wallop, carouse, hit the bottle, revel, tipple, wassail, quaff a snifter...

What's for Tea?

As of this moment, today - International Hot and Spicy Food Day, is my favourite day of the year. It's better than weekends and bank holidays, better than my birthday and even better than day 1 on the OMM (but only just). For me, every day is hot and spicy but today is special because there is legitimate reason for this insanity.

Indeed 'Insanity' is one of the sauces I could have been sampling on this day. See http://www.davesgourmet.peachhost.com/ct_CGhotsauces.htm

Unfortunately I didn't get round to buying some. To add to this problem, I've run out of my 'Death' sauce and so will have to settle for 'Holy Shit' this evening. Hence, it's going to have to be Chicken Jalfrezi with a shit load of sauce and a Scotch Bonnet chilli added to the mix. A tough decision, based on the fact that i've got all the ingredients for a super hot Mexican Chilli at home, maybe that'll have to wait to the weekend.

I will attempt to let our readers know the outcome. Hopefully my lack of preparation (not getting in the essentials) will not spoil today's (and tomorrow's) enjoyment/pain(same thing!).

I hope everyone enjoys their evening and remember - ????

The Chilli King

International Hot & Spicy Food Day

Blimey.

I started the day with the best intentions. This morning, first thing (oh, you should have seen the Hat Hair) out of the cupboard came the tandori powder, the chilli powder and the Nando's "Hot" peri-peri sauce. They stood there on the kitchen counter next to the toast I was spreading jam on and I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. Breakfast is no place for chilli. So to make up for it, I spread a layer of peri-peri on my ham salad sandwich for lunch.

It goes without saying that come lunchtime, I had forgotten all about it and had the fright of my life. It was an unusual combination... not necessarily unpleasant.

While I fell way short of any designer chillies, I did arrange to go to a curry house tonight. Eight of us made it.

I feel a little let down that only 2 of us went through with our promise of pulling a "I've just eaten spicy food face". Still, James made up for it...

I waivered over my choice of a "medium hot" Chicken Tika Brinjal. (I've never heard of it either). It was very disappointing. As spicy as frozen yogurt sprayed with a fire extinguisher. Or maybe I killed all my tastebuds at lunch.

Tweed Hat Day

A day as epic as this, requires a hat of equal grandeur! So here it is. Tweed.





Happy hat day everyone. May it bring glory and prestige to all who celebrate her.

Hat Day!!

MET Office Forecast: flood warnings, persistent heavy rain across all of the UK. Sounds like a perfect day for a hat!!

Hat Day really kicked off at morning coffee...

Best Hat Day ever.

Everybody feels good in a hat...

Some people insisted on joining in as news of Hat Day spread faster than lice on Hat Day...

You have to wonder where some of these hats came from